Although political pundits sorely miss W with his idiotic misstatements like, “Those who enter this country illegally, are breaking the law!” we can rest assured that should Sarah Palin seek public office she will step into that void and provide us with endless hilariousness. Most recently Bill Maher quoted or misquoted her as saying “…my heart goes out to all those people in Ebola.” Well personally I’m glad she’s so sympathetic but it would be better if she knew exactly what, where and to whom her sympathies were being directed! Perhaps she would benefit from a geography lesson that pointed out Angola is not the same as Ebola, one is a country the other a deadly virus. Duh! We can all breathe a sigh of relief that she is not looking for a job with the World Health Organization or the Center for Communicable Diseases, the world has enough trouble without adding her to the mix! And did she really brag that she can kill her dinner before she cooks it? Let’s imagine this. There she is wearing her latest $2500 Versace creation, slaving over her recently shot goose (or wolf as the case may be) preparing a little Sunday dinner. And perhaps while her goose is cooking, she saunters into her bedroom and peeks out her window at Russia, just to check on how things are going over there, with that Ukrainian problem. And then, she gets this brilliant idea. Why doesn’t she give Putin a call, them being practically neighbors, she’ll invite him over for dinner. He’ll hop on his MasterCraft x46 and zoom right over. To make political capital from her efforts she’ll call the press to take pictures of the little peace conference about to take place at her dining room table. She’ll even ask him to bring along some of his Pro-Russian Ukrainians. They’re his neighbors, so they’re practically her neighbors too. Hell, they could bring along those hungry folks from Ebola too (they’re somewhere south of Ukraine according to her map)!
She’ll step out back, shoot another Canadian goose, (she doesn’t think Canada will mind they have a lot of them) and be plucking in her kitchen in no time. She grins contentedly as she plucks, thinking how the world has underestimated her unique brand of diplomacy. Those Democrats, she scoffs, they don’t know how to bring people together. We’re all just neighbors after all. I’ll wow them with my latest culinary kills and remind him, as I did in that stupid Couric interview, that there’s a narrow border between Alaska and Russia. Putin and I can resume trade relations, she thinks. We’ll call it the Palin-Putin Peace Plan. I’ll convince him that Obama will never know; DC is awfully far away. This little violation of the US/Russian sanctions can be our little secret, she thinks. We’ll trade lots of stuff back and forth. It will be simple, I’ll stack stuff in my garage and at night Todd (he still comes around) and I can carry stuff down to the dock and zip over to Russia. “I’ll get you the stuff you need,” she’ll reassure him. And since he’s a reputed wildlife advocate, she’ll toss in a few polar bears to sweeten the deal. She’ll smile as she fanaticizes about those icy blue eyes melting. All it took was her womanly wiles, some good home shot food and voila!