This year’s Republican Presidential Candidates are, to put it mildly, distasteful. As if ‘traditional’ conservative values isn’t off-putting enough, these folks have scooped up the most alienated, marginalized and narrow-minded citizens on our social continuum.
Pandering to these extremists has candidates clustering on the brink of disaster by preaching blatant racism, divisive regionalism, isolationism, and generalized war mongering. All this makes me long for the days of George H whose big campaign slogan was “watch my lips, no new taxes” or the days of George W who garbled the English language (“We cannot let terrorists hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile”) and could never seem to get ‘nuclear’ right.
For the first time, in my admittedly long life, the campaign trail is crowded with people competing for the title of: most outrageous, most offensive, most morally repugnant, most immature, most regressive, most extreme, most insulting and most uninformed. Although each candidate is unique, their collective rhetoric is stuffed with hatred disguised as religious fervor, generalized rejection of anyone who’s different and astounding illogicality. These candidates jump to conclusions, render pronouncements unsupported by rational thought, confuse feelings for facts and lack anything resembling a moral compass.
On top of it, they are rude, disrespectful, nasty, impolite bullies spewing toxic cross-cultural/international/inter-racial/inter-religious worldviews across America.
Because this campaign is so distasteful, I thought some nice tasty imagery might perk up our spirits.
Feel free to put this imagery to music.
John Kasich is a nice old guy, an exception to the rule. His social conscience elevates — to him we give a halo, a heavenly assistant he will make and so we call him ANGEL FOOD CAKE.
Now Jeb is plain vanilla as simple as can be. Smarter than his brother and sweeter than the rest; we’ll pile him high with icing, VANILLA CUPCAKE with orange zest.
Marco Rubio’s just darling with a sparkling Colgate smile; he’ll be CHEESECAKE, with cherries on the top, a dab of Cover Girl on his cheeks assures his ‘photo op’.
Ted Cruz is simply ‘out there’ with words no one could fake; he’s wrong side up and right side down a PINEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN CAKE.
Ben Carson is a brain doc who’s used to bounce and squish, the perfect cake for him to have is SPONGE CAKE on his dish.
Chris Christie speaks his mind aloud; he ‘spares no rod’ it’s true, I know it’s rude but so are you, Chris, POUND CAKE that’s for you.
Rand Paul is so cute he reminds me of a cookie; with ringlets like a Rotelle noodle, he’s just like a SNICKERDOODLE.
And Carly’s real conservative she offers just a bite, she’s sharp, methodical and pretty smart and so we call her STRAWBERRY TART.
Now Donald, we saved the last for you, you set the tone its true. Once a year a dessert appears that no one wants to eat, it’s hard to make, and just like you — a dense, nut-filled FRUITCAKE.